But You, O Lord, be
not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
September 12, 2011
I am in need of strength and this verse just speaks for my soul. My life has changed so drastically that it is very hard for me to explain. Gary is home and still doing rehab and each day it is getting better and each day it is getting harder. First I have Gary to deal with 24/7. Caretaking someone with an anoxic brain injury is not an easy job. Yesterday for the sake of research and todays devotional I recorded how many times I was
asked the same 10 questions. To give you an idea of the amount, every 3 minutes I was asked a question. Every 3 minutes from 6:00 am until 8:30 pm when he goes to bed, he asks the same questions. I write down the answers and he knows the answers, yet he asks the questions because his memory does not hold onto the information. I am fully responsible for the entire house and not just cleaning it but securing it and paying the bills. Now all of that is hard but the hardest part of all of this is: every day Gary forgets who I am. The time of day varies but still every day he looks at me and asks me who I am or he thinks I am someone else.
By the time I get Gary in bed I am exhausted but sleep does not come to me. I am over stressed and I just come to the study and cry out to God to help me and be my strength. I know that God is near, He is Emmanuel and I trust Him to always be with me. That truth eludes me by the end of the day. I
just come in here and ask God where He is, and for Him to come quickly. The days are long and they are lonely. Gary is home but Gary is not home and I miss Gary and I wonder if that Gary will ever really come back.
Some of you are going through some rough times yourself. Your own struggles wear you down and at the end of the day you feel abandoned by God and others. Life is hard and can I go a bit further and say it is not
always nice. I think I just did and I am right. Life is not nice to us but we need to remember that we were not promised nice by God. We were promised He would be with us through all of days and trials. So we do have that truth to hold fast to.
Still I lie in bed and cry out for God to come quickly to me and help me. Why? Because my strength is gone and that is just what this world does to us, it steals our strength. God is there with His and when we are weak He is strong and so all we need to do is learn to collapse in His arms and let Him take care of the rest.
There is no greater place than the arms of our Savior; I think I will go there now.
In His love