September 26, 2011

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not
worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us.

Romans 8:18 NRSV

September 26, 2011

Last Sunday as I walked into church, I was dead tired and completely
worn out. I love Gary but taking care of him has been very difficult. Each day
brings its own set of problems and hurdles for me to jump through. I am
constantly taking him back and forth to therapy and doctor
visits and new therapists and tests. When we are home I am doing therapy with
him here and trying everything I can to help him heal. From the time Gary wakes
up until he goes to sleep he asks questions. His mind is searching for answers,
he is confused and answering him is not the solution. He will not remember what
I tell him so he asks the question over and over again. I can write him a note
but then I have to tell him to read the note each time. Then I have to assure
him the note is truthful. So on Sunday as I walked into church, a sister in
Christ hugged me and asked how I was. I told her the truth, “God could do me a
favor and take me today.”

No, I do not have a death wish, nor do I want to die. I am
tired, exhausted and this is how tired I am. I have 6 beautiful grandchildren
and I want to see them all become parents. This is my nightly prayer. However,
there are some days when I just think I can’t go on any longer and just going
to heaven to be with God is the solution. I mean, all of us know that once we
are in heaven then our suffering shall be over and we will see the face of God
and live. But, like I said, I don’t want to die just yet. I really do want to
see my grandchildren become parents. I think that would be cool to see and
being a great-grandma is what I aspire to be, so for that reason I do want to
live. I just don’t want to live with so much stress in life.

I get that far in my thinking when God gives me a verse. I
was actually looking and planning on writing on something else when God
highlighted this verse for me. You see, God knows exactly what all of us are
going through. He sees the hardship and the stress and knows when we are
suffering. He is Emmanuel, God with us, and chooses to suffer with us.
Suffering does not get taken away from us the moment we accept Jesus as our
Savior. Good and bad happens to us all. The bad that happens to us can take the
wind out of our sails just like it does for everyone else. The difference
between us and the ungodly is that we know, or we should know, that no amount
of suffering can ever bring us down and overwhelm us to death. God does not
allow that to happen but even if it should, our suffering cannot compare to the
glory we see when we see God. In other words: Suffering will be great, but
God’s glory is greater.

On the days when I do feel overwhelmed I can come to God and
let Him know just how heavy the burden is on my shoulders and He will take it
off of me. I can let Him know how much I suffer, and I do and He does come to
comfort me. I can share with Him how I want the suffering to end and how I
would rather be in heaven and He will understand. He will give to me all that
is needed to endure the suffering and remind me that this suffering shall be
gone one day. His glory is forever.

Life is hard, and the road I am on is long and suffering.
Last week when I looked down the road I didn’t see any light. This week the
glory of God shines brightly. I’ll keep walking, I can now stay on this road
and I don’t have to be in a hurry to get off. I know that God is at the end. I
think I will take my time with this walk and try to find a few more lost souls
on the way. I am still dead tired and completely worn out, but remembering who
waits for me at the end of this life just put a little skip into my step.

Thank You Father, I needed that encouragement.

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