January 23, 2012



January 23, 2012

Isaiah 49:15-16

“Can a woman forget her nursing child and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands. Your walls are continually before Me.”


John 10: 27-30

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish, neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand. I and My Father are one.”


The hardest part of Gary’s anoxic brain injury is the memory loss. The problem with the memory loss is it spans his lifetime and has spaces and holes in it like Swiss cheese. Let me explain. If you ask Gary where he worked last he will say Christ Hospital. He did work there, but he worked at Rush Copley for the last 10 years. If you ask Gary what some of his co-workers’ names were at Rush, he can tell you some of them, not all but some. At times Gary remembers that his children are grown up and other times he thinks they are still children. There is no rhyme or reason to his memory.

The hardest part to all of this is that Gary has no memory of us. Gary knows he loves me and I am his wife, but has no memory of the two of us together. That is tougher to accept than it sounds. Can you imagine being the only one in a relationship who knows the depth of love? What about all the experiences? What about what made you attracted to one another, why you fell in love and what made you decide to be married? I am the only one who has all those memories and most times that is enough. Recently those times have taken a turn, and for the worse.

For reasons still not determined, Gary’s memory took a sharp turn and in this turn he writes some notes that clearly state he does not know me. He does not remember writing the notes, he can be looking at me and write the notes and not remember writing the notes. This is all a part of his brain injury and is a great mystery. Getting these notes, and I won’t go into detail what they all say, is very hurtful and really most of the time I read them and cry. I cry because I pray all the time that Gary will be healed and it is moments like this when I worry that he won’t be. I know this is Satan playing with me and I have to be smarter than that. This is why I have chosen today’s Scripture–for reasons I can explain.

A lot can and will happen to us here on earth, some bad and some good. Some of the stuff can be so darn hard to understand and hurtful. God is still God and no matter what it is we go through, God will go through it with us. If we stop and let God take away the pain, then it is God who can take our pain. It is God who will endure our pain and it is God who eases our pain. This is who God says He will be for us. This is how much God loves us.

For me the pain is being forgotten, therefore being forsaken, and God says to me:

“Child, I don’t care who forgets you, I never will. You are here Michele, in the palm of My hand, and no one dares to snatch you out of My hand. Do not fear who forgets you, rejoice in Who remembers you.”

This is why I love my God. Let us pray.

Who, Lord, is greater than You? No one. Who, Lord, loves me more than You? No one. Who, Lord, can I go to when I am hurt and need comfort? You, Lord, I can always go to You. So why don’t I Lord? Why do I insist on sitting here crying when You are waiting to comfort me and take away the pain? I don’t know but teach me, Lord, to cry out to You next time and in this way I shall feel Your compassion. This I do pray in Jesus’ Name.


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