March 5, 2012

Psalm 55:1-3
Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught at the voice of the enemy, at the stares of the wicked; for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger.

Who is our enemy? Well, we all will say Satan right? But what if I told you there was a bigger enemy in your life than him? What would you say? Do you want to know who that enemy is? It is you, or should I say it is your inner voice. That voice that is inside of your head telling you that you do not measure up. The voice that tells you that you won’t succeed, so why even try? All of us have that inner voice. Some of you may be better at keeping it quiet. I, on the other hand, let it shout at me.

I am Gary’s full-time caregiver. I get a little help for a few hours 4 days and for the rest of that time, Gary is here with me. I take it personally that his recovery is so slow. I spend so much time just trying to find some new therapy or some new way to approach him and help him remember. I am in contact with a few other women who have husbands with anoxic brain injuries, and they assure me I will do this for only so long, and the day will come when I will stop and realize I have done all that I could and well, it is what it is.

That is hard for me to accept and all of you can relate. None of us want to see something, which we poured all of our heart and strength into, fail. Not that Gary will fail but the therapy will fail to help him. So then when voices start shouting at me telling me I am not doing good or I should be doing it this way or that way, I just run to God and plead with Him to help me.

God hears me and He responds. Just this week I told God 3 times I needed to feel Him with me and know that He was there with me, and all 3 times a sibling in Christ called and prayed with me for Gary and me. That is the power of prayer before God. That is why God tells us to call upon Him in times of trial. He does not want us to go through it alone, He always sends us someone to be His hand of comfort.

Oh how silly of us to listen to that voice which is our enemy. If only we learned how to listen to God’s voice instead. Let us pray.

Lord God, I truly want to remember to run to you each time my enemy, my inner voice, rises up and tells me I am no good and spits out lies. I want to come to You, feel Your presence and know that You, Father, don’t agree but love me just the way I am. This I pray in Jesus’ Name.

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